Tuesday 18 September 2012

Where It All Began I Suppose...

I've been doing this photography thing for 3 years now and am only just figuring out how it fits in with my take on the world.  I've never kept a diary or journal so this will be instead of I suppose, a way of setting down and ordering my thoughts.  The thoughts are usually just part of the disparate jumble, along with emotions and daydreams, which exists in my head.  I'm hoping this will help me to remain true to myself and therefore clearer in my purpose.
It is the sense
of things that we must include
because we do not understand them…
and so the wood
advances before the evening takes it -
branches
tense in a light like water,
as if (on extended fingers)
supporting the cool immensity…
This is from a poem called The Impalpabilities by Charles Tomlinson.  It's significant for me in a number of ways.  I came at creativity through writing - reading it and later writing it myself.  Books were where I escaped to as a child, they showed me that the world was more than just sensory perception and quotidian reality and could include imaginative leaps of fancy, anything was possible - magic realism where things are not as they seem.  As I got older and studied literature, I realised why I felt that some poets and writers were writing just for me - by writing about deep personal truths and how things appeared to them, they managed to tap into universal truths or at least how things seem to some people.  This is, for me, the basis of art.  There has to be a connection.  

I believe this just as passionately with the visual arts.  When I read something or look at something I am carrying all of my personal history with me, everything external will be tinged by my baggage.  I see the world through the filter of my mind, as does everyone through their own.  I tend to connect with things which are imaginative, ambiguous, unreal, internalised and oneiric.  I don't have to, or indeed want to, understand everything.  As Tomlinson says "the sense of things...we must include because we do not understand them."

During these three years of taking photos, my way of working and my way of seeing have both changed hugely.  I started out fairly conventionally but soon realised that I was disatisfied with what I was producing.  I am not interested in things being cut and dried, not interested in a world where there is only one right answer, or indeed one where there are only answers.  The surface of things isn't enough.  I want and need to get behind the supposed reality, beneath the superficial and try to make unseen things visible.  I can respond like anyone to a beautiful view or a gorgeous sunset but I have no interest in photographing that response.  I think it's in Sontag's On Photography where she makes the point that a beautiful photograph isn't the same as a photograph of a beautiful thing.

Developing my own vision has required a certain amount of determination and thick skin however.  There was no one in my immediate circle who 'got' what I was about and so I became used to laughing along at people's descriptions of my "weird blurry photos."  I went through a long period of self-doubt where I worried that I produced what I did because I didn't have the technical knowledge to do anything else, painfully aware of my photographic ignorance.  Having now met, both in reality and virtually, other photographers who get where I'm coming from, though, has helped my confidence enormously and I now see all of this as part of my aesthetic journey.  I have to work through things in my own way at my own pace and make the images I have in my mind's eye so as to make room for more. 





18 comments:

  1. I think that a blog is an excellent way to write down what is in your mind and help build up a way of thinking about photography that is yours alone. From the single lovely picture you have posted it is obvious you want to follow your own path - good luck with your continuing journey Lucy.

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  2. Agree with Mike, especially when you put it so eloquently. Though my images may be more traditional than your own lovely style I see much of myself in the angst you talk about. It's sometimes difficult to determine if you're trying to plough your own furrow or running from the challenge of doing the same - or worse recreating - as 'everyone else'. Having started to find a feel for my own style I'm currently self analysing to see if it says anything new or is just derivative. A similar but much less thought provoking post is currently in draft on my own blog. I'm glad you've found your voice and confidence both here and in your images.

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  3. Mike - I hope so. This is really for me - for me to marshall my wayward thoughts and try and impose some sort of order upon them! Thank you very much for taking the time to read, you are one of the photographers I mention re understanding where I am coming from.

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  4. Duncan, thank you VERY much! I know what you mean: am I being original because I'm unique or because I want to be different?! All I can say is that everything I have written here and will write is completely honest and I don't set out to be intentionally odd! Self-analysis is so important, regardless of style or technique - I look forward to reading your blog. Thanks for taking the time :-)

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  5. Hello,

    So glad you've done this as I think you'll enjoy 'writing' and I hope you will go off on tangents, away from photography into ALL the things that influence you. JDD

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  6. Talking of tangents, didn't Eric Idle once suggest you should always look at the dark slide's in life?

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  7. James - thanks for that. Can I just say, hang on - what was it?... "you've been the biggest influence in my photography"...yeah, that was it! But, seriously, yes, you're right - I WILL go off on tangents, this is just the beginning. My god, my life is built around tangents!

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  8. John - Eric Idle said many things including “Bear in mind the simple rule, X squared to the power of two minus five over the seven point eight three times nineteen is approximately equal to the cube root of MCC squared divided by X minus a quarter of a third percent. Keep that in mind, and you can't go very far wrong.” It's not necessarily a recommendation ;-)

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  9. So pleased that you have written this blog Lucy - because we have talked privately I understand exactly what you are saying & where you are coming from. I can't imagine anyone who is trying to create art doesn't struggle at some point, if not all the time. If we are just going out to take pictures of what we see, then that's nots so hard, but if we are trying to convey something we feel in a visual way, that is difficult. I hadn't realised you had only been photographing for 3 years - look how far you have come in such a short period of time. The fact you know what you don't want means you are at least half way there and finding your voice xx

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    1. Hey Deb :-) Thank you so very much for that. I can't tell you what a turnaround it was for me to arrive at that wet plate collodion workshop at Carl's house and meet you and Alex etc. Really almost life changing. You are someone who has helped keep me on the bus and I really appreciate your support,kindness and understanding. And you're right - halfway there is not bad at all!

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  10. I absolutely love this blog and have read it a number of times before, now, commenting on it.

    As Ansel Adams said: "There are always two people in every picture: the photographer and the viewer."

    However, these two people have very different life experiences and they take these experiences with them in everything they do.

    Personally, I feel that any piece of art that can evoke in me these experiences (from my love of books, music, dreams, etc) is a triumph. These depths that every soul has deep in them can be tapped into. But it is difficult to do so.

    I think your works are a triumph.
    I take great delight and pleasure from them.

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    1. Oh gosh John, that is very kind of you. And to hear someone say that means an enormous amount. I was so chuffed to hear you speak about my photographs last week and to realise that you completely understood. I think that's all that any of us can hope for. The comments you made were 100% spot on, you saw the ambiguities and the gaps left for the viewer to fill in. You got the mystery and the magic which I feel and try to show. Thank you.

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  11. I feel so doubtful of my work so often, and I have to keep reminding myself that, ultimately, I make photographs for me...I am inspired by those around me who do the same...those who follow their own vision, their own way of interpreting the world. Shine on bright star, shine on...

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    1. Hey Amy, thanks so much for dropping by and leaving such a lovely comment. I think it's all any of us can do - work from the heart for oneself primarily and if the occasional image chimes with someone else then it's fantastic. Doubt goes hand-in-hand with producing something heartfelt so you're doing great :-)

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  12. it's beautiful, all of your work and your website and your blog. when I look at your magic I see how lacking I am. and you make me wish for more, which is a good thing.

    I love photos when there is no simple explanation.

    I wish lauren were alive to see what you're doing. she would be so proud of you.

    loves and hugs

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    1. Oh Susan, thank you SO much for taking the time to read and comment, I know how things are for you right now. Wishing you and yours ALL good things.

      You are NOT lacking, don't even think it. We are all different is all.

      Yes - visual images where what you see is what you get don't hold my attention either, there has to be more depth and substance.

      Oh, I wish Lauren were alive too. It still gets me and I know you feel the same.

      Big love and hugs to you too. x

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  13. Late to the party as ever... but: I'm very glad you're taking the time to reflect publicly in this way about your work.

    The challenging and intriguing nature of what you are doing fills me with fascination as well as concerns about my own inadequate responses, but I hope to learn a lot from what you are doing here. So thank you for writing!

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    1. Hi Michael, fashionably late I'd say ;-)
      Thank you, I'm not sure I have much to teach but hang in there - the journey may prove interesting!

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